Weighty Matters

We are FUCKED!! Utterly, royally FUCKED!!

That got your attention didn’t it? Ok, now sit here \_ and listen little ones as daddy spells out the intricacies of life to y’all.

The reason why I said we are fucked, is this…in this day and age, we still have this stupid backward mentality of there isn’t a Waziri from my community an therefore we are not in government…my question to these kinda fuckers is, who fucking raised you and how many times were you dropped as a child?

Last night in the news, there was this fat bespectacled ego maniac who was proudly questioning the lack of inclusion into the cabinet, of his people. He proudly stood on the podium with his face glistening with a veneer of mafuta ya mwili, addressing a crowd os ashen faced small folk, with their lips bone-dry from hunger and thirst, and made his sickening proclamations. The question that no one dared ask is, Aint this fat fuck one of those, or near one of those disillusioned assholes that is supposed to vet the cabinet secretaries list?

I am not in any way endorsing the flawed list of individuals that was gift wrapped and presented to us in a whirlwind of uniformed attire, bromamce and invitations to tea. I am also conversant with the fact that this country has a long way to go, from the stupidity of the watu wetu mentality. It is for this exact reason that in the constitution, the parliamentary select committee is charged with a constitutional mandate to ensure that the list presented to parliament by the president has met and certified the criteria spelled out by the constitution. This is the reason why the list of diasporically (That is not a real word people, do not use it to impress a girl) educated individuals is called a list of NOMINEES! 

Therefore listen here you grossly overweight fucktard, if you want to help your people, stop with the roadside shenanigans, and start the rigorous process that is lobbying. Parliament has the mandate to make sure that the list of nominees has met regional balance criterion. You should be lobbying your fellow greedy bastards to change the situation to favor you and stop fucking up my news.

Away from one fat fuck to another…Franco, your loudmouthed gold attired fat retard! For years, you have been eating yourself into larger pants on the blood and sweat of the hardworking, low income earning majority of this country. It is therefore imperative that when these greedy oppressive bastards in parliament attack the salaries and remuneration commission, you aim your spittle at them, not for them. Furthermore, I think there are more important things to worry about, like raising the minimum wage, allocation of vacation days and basic health insurance for those poor sodding bastards who will come to Nyayo stadium on first to listen to your self praising monologue. You fat bastard!!

You cannot deny that we are fucked. The president is trying to pull wool over our eyes (hehehehe…private joke), with trying to push into cabinet Najib and Tenderizer, inviting us for tea and some shit like that; the guy who is supposed to look put for the workers is busy doing nasty things in bed with the MPs; Niggas are still trying to whip the public into some sorta action for their people…SMH.

In parting,

Dear Mr., President,

Nice move on the presentation of the list of nominees. That was the classic smoke and mirrors technique, you Houdini you. I bet you and your best bud were laughing your asses off as the media struggled to reign in every analyst they could get their hands on, shaking ass to your tune. You are a great pied piper, I will give you that.

I have a favor to ask though, can you not “read me stupid”. I saw that clause you inserted in that document. I liked watching you shoveling the bullshit that “They will stop all political activities, and step down from all political offices”. I think that explains why your sleeves were rolled up.

Can you go back into that big white mansion and lock yourself into that office, together with your newfound bestie, pour a glass of JW Green, and don’t comeback until you have a balanced, qualified list.

Kudos though on the Defense and Foreign affairs dockets… The foreign affairs cabinet secretary is a MILF!! Fist bump for that, and she qualified as hell too. That is a plus. It also took all the balls you possess to appoint a female in the defense in what is a predominantly chauvinistic nation. Good move there…but I saw right through it.

Regards,

Fellow Kenyan,

Wile E.

PS: I owe you something that smokes and makes people happy…don’t worry, it’s legal.